Practice Acceptance
By Meagan Francis
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Variations on this theme are common in the yoga community, where people often find themselves changing in ways that they may never have signed up for—and that their partner isn't interested in or feels threatened by. While we're all well schooled in accepting differences of opinion to make a relationship work, it seems a lot easier to work through a disagreement about what color to paint a bedroom than to come to terms with divergent spiritual beliefs. You might wonder: Can a relationship weather differences that seem so, well, fundamental?
Accept Yourself First
Spiritual teachers say the answer is yes—if you fully embrace the practice of acceptance. "The fundamental issue is acceptance of oneself," says Richard Miller, a yoga teacher, licensed clinical psychologist, and marriage and family therapist who's been in practice since 1971. He suggests asking: Do I really accept my partner? Do I really accept myself as I am? "The degree that you have not fully welcomed all that you are is the same degree to which you won't be able to welcome your partner," he says.
When you're annoyed that your partner isn't interested in your latest yoga revelation, or upset that he's heading down a spiritual path that doesn't appeal to you, focus on accepting him as he is, Miller says, instead of judging him or needing his behavior to change. To do that, it helps to practice acceptance of yourself and the issues you bring to the situation.
"A lot of couples confuse real love and intimacy with agreement," Miller says. "What I help them understand is that you can love somebody and really accept them without always agreeing with them. If there's some place I'm holding on—saying 'I love you, but I'll love you more if you meditate with me'—that's a qualified love. If I set my partner free to be who he or she is, I'm setting myself free."
Neutralize Negativity
While you might admit to yourself that it is unrealistic and unfair to expect your partner to walk the same path you do, you may still think basic understanding and support should be a given. Of course that would be ideal. But your partner may be experiencing a wave of negativity and reacting to your spiritual development with resistance, anger, or even ridicule.
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