Practice Acceptance
By Meagan Francis
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Negative reactions often stem from fear and insecurity, says George Taylor, a marriage and family therapist and Buddhist meditator who leads workshops for couples with his wife, Debra Chamberlain-Taylor. "What happens a lot is that people say, 'You're not like me; therefore I don't feel safe.'"
If you probe that unsafe feeling, you may find that the underlying cause stems from a fear of being abandoned or not being loved. Your choice of a new spiritual path may look to your partner like a decision to move away from the common ground you've been sharing. If you're wildly excited about a new spiritual journey, your partner might even worry that your new interest will replace the relationship—or that the newly spiritual you will want a partner who's more knowledgeable or interested.
Cyndi Lee, the founder of OM Yoga in New York City and a practitioner of yoga for more than 30 years, suggests that sometimes, when embarking on a new spiritual path, we may come on a bit too strong. In fact, she adds, when we become passionate about anything, we may run the risk of intimidating—or just plain annoying—our partner.
"My current passion is knitting, and my husband has limited interest in talking about it," she says. "I think if all I did was talk about knitting, or expected him to go to yarn stores with me, we'd have a problem!" (And yes, says Taylor, when you're talking about relationship issues, a hobby like knitting is comparable to something as personal and soulful as a spiritual belief. An issue is an issue; the difference is in how we react to it.)
With a little perspective, it's easy to see that a new spiritual practice might feel threatening to an "old" partner. But if you take the time to nurture the relationship and do things you both enjoy, you can help your partner feel more secure. Cement what you do have in common, and your partner probably won't worry when you head off in an unfamiliar direction. Your partner may even change his mind and decide to join you.
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